Posted in abuse


I’ve been watching the series that Leah Remini has on what Scientology is doing and has done to it’s members. I have difficulty thinking of any religion who says that you have to basically screw over your own family for the church is anything but a glorified cult. I think it’s bullshit what they do and I am disappointed in our government for actually saying it’s a religion that is worthy of getting tax breaks. Prayers for all the people that this cult has hurt and bless you who are telling us the truth about it at your own personal cost.

Posted in about me and mine, abuse, adoption, blog posts, cleaning up, diseases and symptoms, family, goldfish, health care, home is where the heart is, lists, music lists, my creativity at work ..., quotes and sayings, suicide, writing

Thanks For Following Me…

Thanks again for all the people who are now following me. I am still hoping for more followers, so please don’t hesitate if you want to do it, please! I am hoping to reach at least 50 or more by my birthday, December 31!

Posted in about me and mine, abuse, writing

Falling Out Of Love (Carrie Roxanne Jones, 10/25/16)

Ashamed of myself and you are too

No longer worthy of your love and affection

Apart from you I thrive and I smile

Guess we are No longer headed in the same direction

All of a sudden I am not good enough

Once upon a time you treated me so well

But I have been hiding the truth from even myself

If Love ever resided here nobody can tell

Thanks so much for the time we were okay

It was nice to gain more memories to hold dear

Good luck with the rest of your own life, see ya

I will be fine all alone without you here

Posted in about me and mine, abuse, blog posts, writing

Don’t worry, It will be all over soon….

I am really getting a little too old for this bullshit. The ups and downs, hurtful words and tears, and the sudden huge let down I experience when I am able to snap back to reality… I am starting to feel that the 3 years we’ve been together have just been a huge mindfuck from you to me. When the abusive behavior happened to a younger me, I would just push forward with the hope it would never happen again and I clung to that. But a much older and more observant me is now pessimistic as hell. And with each round of abusive situations a death occurs: a little part of my very soul is killed, and now I am about out of my mind and practically dead.

Posted in about me and mine, abuse, writing


You’re so hateful to me for no reason,

If I come home happy, you make me cry,

I can’t seem to stop you from doing this,

I am almost out of reasons to try.

Most days you are nice, seeming to be ok,

Telling me how much you love me in a letter,

Then out of thin air you become psychotic,

I don’t see this ever getting better.

Acting like it’s my fault for your hostility,

Like I don’t deserve to breathe your same air,

I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to smile,

I can tell deep down that you really don’t care.

I have feelings for you but now it’s different,

When this happens I lose more love for you,

One day soon I will just give up completely,

And there will be nothing you can do…

Posted in about me and mine, abuse, blog posts, writing

Life in Hell..

He once was a hero among villains to you, your Knight in shining armor. But one day for no real reason at all, he switches to the worst evil you’ve ever encountered. He calls you names, smashes your things, and may even strike you. It’s all you can do to keep him from blowing up in your face. I am here to tell you, it’s not going to get better. His apologies are empty and the control he has over you is all that keeps him going. Get out, leave, find a place to go and escape from the hell. Or be prepared for the possibility of him killing you or you killing yourself. No one has the right to do this to you. I know because I am in that hell as I write this and I am trying to convince myself all these things. Please pray for me….