I’ve been watching the series that Leah Remini has on what Scientology is doing and has done to it’s members. I have difficulty thinking of any religion who says that you have to basically screw over your own family for the church is anything but a glorified cult. I think it’s bullshit what they do and I am disappointed in our government for actually saying it’s a religion that is worthy of getting tax breaks. Prayers for all the people that this cult has hurt and bless you who are telling us the truth about it at your own personal cost.
Thanks again for all the people who are now following me. I am still hoping for more followers, so please don’t hesitate if you want to do it, please! I am hoping to reach at least 50 or more by my birthday, December 31!
Ashamed of myself and you are too
No longer worthy of your love and affection
Apart from you I thrive and I smile
Guess we are No longer headed in the same direction
All of a sudden I am not good enough
Once upon a time you treated me so well
But I have been hiding the truth from even myself
If Love ever resided here nobody can tell
Thanks so much for the time we were okay
It was nice to gain more memories to hold dear
Good luck with the rest of your own life, see ya
I will be fine all alone without you here
Maybe this is my fault
Maybe I deserve the pain
Maybe I asked for this
Maybe I will go insane
Maybe you are really right
Maybe I should just die
Maybe I should go to hell
Maybe I need to cry
Maybe I will do your will
Maybe I will go away
Maybe I will be an angel
Maybe God will take me today
I am really getting a little too old for this bullshit. The ups and downs, hurtful words and tears, and the sudden huge let down I experience when I am able to snap back to reality… I am starting to feel that the 3 years we’ve been together have just been a huge mindfuck from you to me. When the abusive behavior happened to a younger me, I would just push forward with the hope it would never happen again and I clung to that. But a much older and more observant me is now pessimistic as hell. And with each round of abusive situations a death occurs: a little part of my very soul is killed, and now I am about out of my mind and practically dead.
You’re so hateful to me for no reason,
If I come home happy, you make me cry,
I can’t seem to stop you from doing this,
I am almost out of reasons to try.
Most days you are nice, seeming to be ok,
Telling me how much you love me in a letter,
Then out of thin air you become psychotic,
I don’t see this ever getting better.
Acting like it’s my fault for your hostility,
Like I don’t deserve to breathe your same air,
I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to smile,
I can tell deep down that you really don’t care.
I have feelings for you but now it’s different,
When this happens I lose more love for you,
One day soon I will just give up completely,
And there will be nothing you can do…
He once was a hero among villains to you, your Knight in shining armor. But one day for no real reason at all, he switches to the worst evil you’ve ever encountered. He calls you names, smashes your things, and may even strike you. It’s all you can do to keep him from blowing up in your face. I am here to tell you, it’s not going to get better. His apologies are empty and the control he has over you is all that keeps him going. Get out, leave, find a place to go and escape from the hell. Or be prepared for the possibility of him killing you or you killing yourself. No one has the right to do this to you. I know because I am in that hell as I write this and I am trying to convince myself all these things. Please pray for me….