I am really getting a little too old for this bullshit. The ups and downs, hurtful words and tears, and the sudden huge let down I experience when I am able to snap back to reality… I am starting to feel that the 3 years we’ve been together have just been a huge mindfuck from you to me. When the abusive behavior happened to a younger me, I would just push forward with the hope it would never happen again and I clung to that. But a much older and more observant me is now pessimistic as hell. And with each round of abusive situations a death occurs: a little part of my very soul is killed, and now I am about out of my mind and practically dead.